I CAN’T CALL HIM! missing my dad!

Well, I made it through Dad’s birthday–it was challenging, but I made it through! I made it through my birthday–another challenging day, but again, I made it through. And this week has been another challenge. Twice a year we come down here to Lake Millsite (Florida) to visit family and friends. I would always call Dad to let him know we made it safely. And then call him every day we were here. And when we arrived here Monday, I couldn’t call him. And once again, here’s that challenge that reminds me of how much I miss him.

God is pulling me through each of these challenges–and to be honest with you (can I be honest with you?)–I don’t like these recurring challenges. I want them to be over–but I still find myself missing Dad. And the pain becomes fresh again, and the loneliness that comes with it–I think I would rather get a root canal without that numbing stuff. Something is missing–someone is missing in my life. But God? He keeps pulling me through these moments. I say pulling because, well, you may find it hard to believe–but I can be stubborn and hard-headed.

I am learning something, in spite of my stubborn side: I can count on God! He gives me a song; sometimes a scripture passage; sometimes a person; sometimes a scene in nature; and always His Presence. And if you are facing a challenge today–you can be assured that God is Present and He is at work in your challenges. My grief is roaring and rolling over me right now. I’m hurting. And I wish I wasn’t. But know what? God is pulling and tugging, tugging and pulling me to help me get through this moment. Our Heavenly Father is a mighty tugger and puller. Count on Him today, tomorrow, and every moment of every day.

When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah chapter 43, verse 2 (New Living Translation)

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BOYS AND THEIR TOYS!

My latest toy!

This is the picture of my latest “toy”. You know what they say, “As men grow older, the price of their toys go up dramatically!” But before you worry that Debbie has thrown me into the proverbial dog house–again–she gave me permission to buy it. I’ve done some marginal gardening–and perhaps it’s the death of my Dad–who was a master gardener–has stirred up something in my ancestral DNA. Dad grew up in a family of share-croppers. And their personal garden was often the difference between a full and empty belly. But I think there was more to his gardening.

Daddy loved to watch things grow. When he decided to move he bought 2 lots. One for the new home and the other for the garden. He would work his 8 hour shift at the plant, then come home to work the garden. He raised vegetables not only for us, but for anyone and everyone. And that’s now my burning desire. But I admit I’m getting too old for a garden hoe and rake. Oh, I can do it–but the price after the fact–well, let’s just say age has it’s own form of inflation.

This Kubota L185 is a two-cylinder diesel that produces an amazing 17 horsepower. No, it’s not like those towering John Deere green tractors. But for my dream and goal, it’s absolutely perfect. But to garden, I needed a few implements–which adds an additional cost because I needed more toys. I am now the proud owner of those implements. And the best news of all–I’m still NOT in the doghouse. When we get home from this sabbatical, I will begin doing the things necessary to produce our garden.

“What things?”, you ask. I need to turn the soil over, loosening the soil and putting old vegetation under the ground to help enrich the soil. Then I need to take the disk and smooth it out–lay out the rows–and start putting out the plants and seeds. I learned from Dad that you don’t plant everything at the same time. Each vegetable has it’s own growing season. Plant too early, it won’t produce. Plant too late, it won’t produce. I see this newest desire and goal as my way to remember everything Dad tried to teach me–not only about making a garden–but about making life. And just like him, I want to have some to share with others.

What does all of this have to do with the Kingdom Life? What’s the analogy and lessons? Well, let me see if I can connect the dots. First, there’s the tractor. Now, I could have tired to prepare the dirt–but it would be much too difficult and take too much time. The Kubota will use it’s energy to do it for me. And just as we can’t clean up ourselves–we need the power and energy of the Holy Spirit to do it for us. Second, is the turning plow. To prepare soil for a garden, you need to get deep. The Holy Spirit gets to the deepest parts of our minds, hearts, and lives. Third is the disking. Our life needs to be refined and “smoothed out” in order for the seed of God’s word to grow and take root in us. Fourth is the cultivator. Just as the cultivator helps me to lay out the rows for the different vegetables, we need The Holy Spirit to bring order into our lives. And fifth there’s the seeds planted at different times. The Word of God are the seeds we need to grow up into God’s image. But we need different seeds at different times in our life journey. All of those seeds come from The Bible–and if we follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, they will come to us at the right time.

Finally there is the harvest. Just as I want more than enough vegetables to share, God wants more than enough in us to share. When we keep in everything that God has done for us and to us–we miss the whole point of discipleship. But God gives us what we need in order to grow and mature as followers of Jesus. But wait, there’s more I almost forgot.

The Weeds! To produce the most, gardens need to be weeded out regularly. Now, early on I will use the cultivator, making the task easy. But eventually the crops will grow too tall to us the cultivator. Then I have to rely on manual labor. But I know that hard work will result in great rewards. And the Kingdom Lesson for all of us is that we need to watch out for the spiritual weeds that will get in the way of the harvest. And sometimes it takes a lot of effort on our part–yet remembering that we rely on the power and strength of the Holy Spirit. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to rest up a while. My work is cut out for me–but I’ve got everything I need–no, not my little Kubota–but enormous Holy Spirit!

what did you see this morning?

(This is from last night’s Christmas Eve Service)

The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen.  It was just as the angel had told them.  Luke 2:20 (NLT)

What thing had they heard?  What exactly did the shepherds see?  What Will You And I See In Just A Short Time As We Join Them Around The Manger?  Well, I’ll tell you what they saw.  They Saw What Was In Their Hearts To See.  That’s exactly what you and I are going to see this Christmas. We’re Going To See What We Are Looking For.

1.  The Angels Saw Christmas Joyfully.

The angels looked at Christmas joyfully, triumphantly, celebrating—singing  “Glory to God in the Highest.”  Why so joyfully? The angels understood–understood that this was the final stage for God’s great plan of redemption to be revealed. They had been watching, participating in the life of the patriarchs and the prophets.  All through the centuries they were waiting—now they know that the fullness of time has come.  Before—God had sent, God had spoken—But Now The Angels Know God Himself Has Come In Human Form and They See It From A Heavenly Perspective.  No wonder they shout and they sing joyfully!

2. Mary and Joseph Saw Christmas With Wonder

How could Mary and Joseph describe what were they seeing?  What they were feeling?   We talk a lot about the faith of Abraham who went out not knowing where he was going; well that faith was only a drop in a bucket compared to the faith of Mary and Joseph.  Think Of Mary’s Faith In God, to believe what she was seeing in that manger is going to be The Redeemer of all people.  Think Of The Faith Of Joseph, who believed that this was God in the face of that baby in the manger. They saw a lot of things they didn’t understand. Rather than thinking “How is this possible?”, they saw it with wonder, amazement, and adoration!

3. Simeon Saw Christmas Prophetically

He was a man who longed to see God’s Redemption.  And when Simeon thought he was going to die, The Spirit had said no, not yet.  “You Are Going To Live Long Enough To See Him.”  He goes into the temple that day and in That Moment He Sees And He Knows.  He lifts up that little bundle in his arms and holds it up towards heaven, and he said, “God, you can now release your servant; release me in peace as you promised.  With my own eyes I’ve seen your salvation; it’s now out in the open for everyone to see:  A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations, and of glory for your people Israel.” He saw more than just a baby. He saw A Great Light, A Light For The Gentiles, The Light Of The World!

4. Herod Saw Christmas Fearfully

The Bible says he saw it very fearfully.  He was troubled and he should have been.  Jesus Is A Threat To Anyone And Everyone Who Thinks Real Power Is Political Power.   He saw clearly what the real issue was.  He saw that this seemingly helpless baby would bring a new type of sword against everything sinful and evil in the world.  This Baby Came To Save People From Their Sins—He Came To Destroy The Works Of Satan and so men like Herod were fearful because Jesus is the ultimate threat against all forms of evil.  And how should we see it?

5. We Must See Christmas As A Person Experience

If You’re Looking For Just Enough Religion To Keep You Out Of Hell, You’ll Miss The Christ Of Christmas;

If You’re Looking For An Emotional Crutch That Will Help You Struggle Through The Tough Times, You’ll Miss The Christ Of Christmas;

If You’re Looking For An Experience That Will Give You A Warm Fuzzy Feeling Without Any Deep Commitment, You’ll Miss The Christ Of Christmas.

But, If You’re Looking For Life, Real Life—

Life That Is Full Of Purpose And Meaning;

A Life That Will Stretch You And Lead You Beyond What You Can Normally See Or Do;

A Life That Challenges Ourselves And Inspires Others—

Then You Can See And Experience What Christmas Is All About. 

BUT NOT COMPLETELY!

Well, in the immortal words of Jack Nicholson. . .

It’s been a while since I’ve put my thoughts, emotions, and questions in blog form. This respite has been intentional; I’ve been in a season of observation and reflection. At this stage of my spiritual journey I have come to understand how priceless observation and reflection are navigating this world as a citizen and warrior of the Kingdom of God.

Some of the observations and reflections resulted in my previous and current sermon series. Some of my observations and reflections have been planted in my “thinking about it” garden to see what grows out of it. And honestly, this was not going to be my “return to blogging” article. But then. . .real life happened.

It started on the afternoon of Sunday, July 12. After preaching 2 services I engaged in my Sabbath Discipline, A.K.A. a nap. When I woke up, I just didn’t feel good. Tried doing a couple of things and nausea set in. Nausea turned into more pain and then vomiting. All Sunday night the pain only intensified. But late Monday the pain eased up and I thought the worst was over. So much for my thinking. Finally, I told Debbie I needed to go to the emergency room. The rules at our small rural hospital meant she could drop me off, but not stay with me. But my high threshold for pain had been exceeded.

I signed in and then had to wait even though, on a scale of 1 to 10, my current pain was at 12.5. When they finally called me back the first order of business was a COVID-19 test, and then the reason why I was there. An injection of  Dilaudid became a gift from God to me. Then things started happening pretty fast. A CT-Scan with contrast revealed a ruptured appendix. The nurse came in with the bad news and said “The helicopter will be here in just a few minutes.” It seems the hospitals closest to me that had the facilities to care for me didn’t have any beds.

When I arrived at University of Alabama Birmingham Medical Center, another COVID-19 test, conversation with some doctors, I was sent to the appropriate unit. Once there I was hooked up to IV antibiotics–and constant care. Wednesday was another day of pain and pain killers. Thursday morning was another whirlwind. I was taken for another scan; returned to my room, only to be turned around and taken back for 2 drainage tubes (one of those tubes was inserted into an orifice that shall remain unnamed).

In this same time my IV stick had to be moved 6 or 7 times because my vein had blown. My daily routine was pain, pain-killers, more IVs, and walking the halls for my physical therapy. Sunday morning I was feeling a little better, so I took a shower and even shaved. I was feeling a bit hopeful, that is, until the usual returned on Sunday night. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I had been on the Roller Coaster From Hell.

Finally, on Monday, the numbers started moving in my favor. The pain was subsiding and I was feeling hopeful again. Tuesday morning one of my doctors came in and removed the most invasive drainage tube (remember the orifice I mentioned earlier?) and I wanted to sing the doxology. A little later he cleared me to go home with the other drainage tube. After a “how to flush the drainage tube” lesson and extensive discharge orders, 1 week later I arrived back to where this all started. Now I am home reflecting on these part 2 weeks. Allow me to share one of the lessons I have been learning.

We have no control over most of what happens to us in life

The need to be in control is only adding to the anger and chaos that is consuming and destroying our nation. I looked all through my calendar and to-do list and no where have I found “ruptured appendix” in my plans. The need to be in control over life, relationships, other people, families, even church–goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Satan offered that lie to Adam and Eve. Now I want to really upset some people:

We are not equipped to be in control!

Now that the bad news is out of the way–there is one thing over which we have absolute control. No thing or no one can control it for you. It is your reaction to what happens that you and you alone control. No whining and no excuses. Your reactions come from your perspective and no one can give you or choose for you that perspective. While lying in that hospital bed did I have a pity party? Of course I did! In fact, I had more than one. But I had a choice–do I choose to live in that pity party or do I choose to change my focus? I chose the later–and when I focused on God’s faithful presence, which at times I doubted; the pity party ended because I know that regardless of how I feel–God hasn’t abandoned me–and He is loving on me. Tomorrow I will share another lesson.

Surviving Your D-Day Invasion Of Depression

I said that this would be a series about real life issues.  I told you that I would be doing some teaching on the basis of my journey over the last 47 years of this 63 year journey.  Before the divorce, when people would ask me about depression, I didn’t really understand it. 

I personally didn’t understand what it would feel like until then.  When we first separated, and then finally realized that divorce was going to be a part of my life, some of these depressing thoughts hit my head and I began to experience some emotions that I had only heard and read about before. 

It was literally a roller coaster ride; but I learned some things.  What I discovered and learned was this:  Some Things I Believed In Were True, And Some Things Were Not True.  All of the sudden I had to start living what I had taught.  It was in that season that the Holy Spirit helped me sort through a lot of things.

It was like cleaning out a closet, or a storage room.  Some of it was useful…but some of it needed to the thrown away.  I had to believe and understand and do some things so that this normal depression wouldn’t become something unhealthy.  It was a time of both demolition and reconstruction—in my heart, my mind, and my faith.

So, today, as we talk about depression, I want to continue to share some Biblical insights, some principles.  These are some things that I have implanted in my life.  We can have some issues in our lives that could lead to unhealthy depression and we want to make sure we understand and deal with these things.  That’s what we’ll be talking about today.  Let’s look at Job 6:1-11 (NLT).  Job lived in the Dark Night Of The Soul. Listen to him as he describes it.

¹ Then Job spoke again:  ² “If my misery could be weighed  and my troubles be put on the scales,  ³ they would outweigh all the sands of the sea.  That is why I spoke impulsively.

⁴ For the Almighty has struck me down with his arrows.  Their poison infects my spirit.  God’s terrors are lined up against me.

⁵ Don’t I have a right to complain?  Don’t wild donkeys bray when they find no grass, and oxen bellow when they have no food?

⁶ Don’t people complain about unsalted food?  Does anyone want the tasteless white of an egg?  ⁷ My appetite disappears when I look at it; I gag at the thought of eating it! 

⁸ Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire.  ⁹ I wish he would crush me.  I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me. 

¹⁰ At least I can take comfort in this:  Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One.   ¹¹ But I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for.“

What do people mean when they say the Bible doesn’t speak about what we go through today?  Have you ever felt like Job did here?  Have you wondered what is inside of the mind of a depressed person?  When depression reaches its fullest point of complete despair, all of the sudden we have this loss of clarity.  And that Dark Night Of The Soul covers us in a deep sadness.

Our minds become confused and we don’t know what it true, right or good.  Our mind begins to think the wrong thoughts; we become confused in our heart and mind.  When we slip from normal depression, to below the radar kind of depression, our heart becomes hopeless.  We begin to feel trapped—and our soul is on the brink of despair.  

If you forget everything else I say, remember this:  Depression Can Happen To Anyone, And Everyone Can Find Hope In Jesus. Depression Comes From Feelings Of Helplessness, Hopelessness And Feeling Alone.

If a person gets too deep into depression, they may attempt something at the darkest mode of depression, which is suicide.  I don’t know where you are.  Maybe you have attempted suicide or you know someone who has attempted it but didn’t succeed or maybe you know someone who did succeed.  I don’t know where you are.   

I do know Suicide is the darkest moment of depression.  Today we’re going to talk about how to not get to that point or if you are already there, how to get back.  But first, let’s get our minds in the right place.  Some of you think that you have it all figured out—you don’t think we could ever get to that low point. 

Job got there and so did I.  It has been said that Suicide Is A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem.  Some of you may be wondering why I’m talking about suicide on a Sunday morning.  But this is a real issue for our culture, and who knows, maybe it is for some of you.  Every issue we face—good and bad—has a Biblical response, and it’s my responsibility and duty to share that with you, regardless of how uncomfortable the subject makes you feel personally.

There are 2 causes of Depression; One Has Biological Causes.  There is a chemical imbalance in the brain and there are many wonderful treatments that are effective in helping people move forward.  This is not the kind of depression I’m talking about. Remember, this kind of depression is biological, though insurance companies do not treat is that way.  We treat these people differently than those who have cancer or some other physical disease. And honestly, we shouldn’t!

We should not treat them differently than a person having any other disease.  But there is another cause of depression that is not biological in origin.  It Comes Out Of Our Experiences Of Discouragement And Disappointment.  This is the form of depression we are looking at today.  Allow me to sum it up like this.  Depression Is A Negative Emotional State Of Feeling Sad, Discouraged And Dejected. 

This emotional state can lead to a sense of hopelessness, helplessness and abandonment; a sense that you can’t get away from and can’t get out of.  I believe that are two types of depression:  healthy and unhealthy. 

Healthy depression is when you have feelings of deep, inner pain.  It is when you have actual feelings of pain, sadness and disappointment from a negative life experience.  These feelings are normal and act as a warning sign in your life.  A person in this state can still function as they normally would; just not as well. 

Unhealthy depression is when emotional state leaves the person with an inability to function in the basic areas of life.  One sign is the reduced ability to concentrate.  I don’t know how many times that I would be working at the computer trying to work on a message and I couldn’t think clearly.  It felt like I was in a fog.  Another sign is to lose interest in most or all fun activities.  Add to this, uncontrollable crying—sometimes outwardly crying, most times inwardly crying.

Not dealing with depression can fill us with feelings of hopelessness.  We feel trapped.  I can tell you that in my journey of life I had this sense of hopelessness that my life was over.  I think there are some reasons that are not always cut and dry.  Experiencing a major disappointment.  Traumatic experiences that increase stress levels.  The Bible goes on to talk about other important causes. 

This may sting a little bit, but just walk with me.  Some of the causes of this Dark Night Of The Soul are

• —lack of self-esteem and self-acceptance
• —Unrealistic expectations
• —Unforgiveness towards others and yourself
• —Unresolved guilt and shame
• —Physical fatigue
• —Substance abuse
• —Physical abuse
• —Health problems. 

So, is there any hope for the hurting?  Okay, now that we’re all depressed—Here are some things I want to share with you.  First Truth:

1.  Depression Is A Normal Response To What Is Occurring In Your Life.

This is where Job is at. Look at what David said in Psalms chapter 6:2-6—

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony.  My soul is in anguish.  How long, O Lord, how long?  Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.  No one remembers you when he is dead.  Who praises you from the grave?  I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

David understood that this was a normal thing. It could affect anyone at any time.  Even the Bible hunks—Moses, Elijah, Jonah, King David, the Apostle Paul and even Jesus.  They all had these stories where they understood these lowly thoughts of depression. 

You mean Jesus had sad thoughts—times when he didn’t like what was going on?  Listen to his words in Matthew 26:38 as he is waiting to go to the cross.  My soul is very sad and deeply grieved so that I am almost dying of sorrow.  That’s Jesus.  It’s a normal thing.  It’s not a sign of weakness or a character flaw.  Some of you need to hear that.   But, if left unchecked it can distort our view of life.  We see ourselves differently. 

We see our life differently.  We see God differently.  Perception is reality in the eyes of the beholder, isn’t it? Second Truth:

2.  Depression Is Not A Sin.  It Is A Symptom.

I’ll say it again.  Depression is not a sin.  It’s a symptom.  It wasn’t a sin for Job.  It wasn’t a sin for me.  Depression is a  gauge like looking at your car gauges when your oil light comes on or how fast am I going or if the engine is overheating! 

Healthy depression is a great gauge to say, “There are things in my life that I need to understand.”  Sometimes it will point to sin that I committed or that was committed against me, unforgiveness or abuse, things you are doing to cause the problem.  It points to the problem. 

This depression is not a sin; it’s a symptom that leads you to the problem so that you can deal with it.  And sometimes, those problems are both biological and physical in nature.  There are times when this body goes haywire.  Whether the problem is spiritual or physical—depression is a symptom, not a sin. Third Truth:

3.  Depression Is Something You Go Through.  It Is Not A Destination!

Some of you have been living as a depressed person for years and years and I want to share with today that there is hope, grace, love and a way out of it.  Depression is not dead end road; there is a way through it.  Depression feels like a dead end road with no room to turn around. 

God did not design life to be a prison sentence.  But depression will make us echo the words of Job:  But I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for. 

But depression can become a destination, a prison, it we cannot find the way to overcome it.  You can continue to move on.  You can overcome depression.  And it is here in:

Your Next Steps

1.  Get The Right Perspective.  In our life something happens to us—A D-Day invasion—and it’s OK to say, “Why me?”  But when we stay there, even when justified, it compounds the problem.  The “Right Perspective” means the Biblical world view of life.  The whole world does not revolve around you. 

And God never promised that your life will be healthy, wealthy and wise.  We live in a world that has problems; in a world that has difficulties.  We have to get the right perspective of this world we live in and get the right perspective of who we are.  Life will not always be easy but understanding who you are will help you to continue to move on. 

2.  Lean Completely On God.  Let the truth of God completely change your mind.  Let the completeness of God hold you.  Rest in His truth.  When the darkness creeps in around you say, “I can lean on God because I can trust Him completely.”  When a D-Day invasion takes your legs out from under you, God is not some crutch that only helps you to hobble along. 

God wants to make you whole through and through.  It may be that God will send you to a doctor or therapist.  It may be that medication is ordered.  Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed if He does.  I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that I take an antidepressant.  Our complete trust and hope comes from leaning on God.  That is only way we are going to make it through.  When something negative happens, you can say, “You are in control, God. You are in control and I lean completely on you.”

3.  Love Yourself.  Do you know people who are always focusing on their weaknesses and on the mistakes they have made in the past?  In my own experiences, low self-esteem and low self-acceptance kills us from the inside out.  God loves you unconditionally and He created you special just the way you are. 

So put your shoulders back and say, “I am special.  I was created and I am loved by my Creator.  I can love myself not because of who I am but because of who God created me to be in Jesus.”  Yes you can love yourself and you are supposed to.  This way, you can have a healthy self-esteem and you’ll accept yourself for who you are in Jesus.

4.  Serve Others.  We will never find inner peace more than when we are helping other people.  You should try it sometime.  That’s a Biblical concept, friends!  Serve other people.  It’s really true, that when you lose yourself for another for the cause of Christ, you really find yourself.

The breeding grounds for depression are those feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and abandonment.   And here in this moment, God reminds us that we are NOT helpless, NOT hopeless, and NOT abandoned. He is right here, right now with us.

A Word About Mowing Lawns

 

First, this Post is for the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Bikers.  That’s as in BIKES not bicycles.  And, this post is for everyone who mows a lawn, whether it’s your own or you do it to make a living.  This morning after coffee at one of the local liars watering holes, I needed to run an errand–on my bike.  Bike, my friends, NOT a bicycle.  As I was going along the street, a local lawn service was mowing and blowing the grass into the street.  It was still wet, and I felt my back tire slip a little–thus this little post.  I have several different Categories for my writing, and the default is set at Kingdom of God.  I also have a Personal Category.

I was about to unclick the Kingdom of God Category, when I began thinking (I know, that’s a dangerous thing to do) that this IS a Kingdom issue.  I say it is because Citizens of the Kingdom are called to be people who show consideration to all others.  Besides, on my ride into town this evening, I’ve been inspired to write another article.  Watch for it next week.  Now, to my purpose and message for tonight, and hopefully, for the rest of your lives.

PLEASE DO NOT MOW SO THAT THE GRASS BLOWS ONTO THE ROAD OR STREET. WHEN IT IS WET, IT CAN CAUSE A MOTORCYCLE TIRE TO SPIN OR SLIP. WHEN IT’S DRY, IT BLOWS IN OUR EYES, CREATING A HAZARD. PLEASE THINK OF US BIKERS WHEN YOU MOW!!!! Rant over….

A Moving Journal-Day 5

 

Welcome to Jeopardy, Randy.  “Thanks, Alex, I’ll take Chaos and Stress for $1,000.”  And the answer is:  “This picture is what it feels like.”

Yes, Randy:  “What is the feeling you have when the moving truck will be here in 2 days?”  Correct!

Well, today started like usual.  Packing some more, taking some more to the curb, headed to the office, and the Funeral.  Debbie and I had visited Wynette in the hospital the day before she conquered death.  Watching her struggle to breathe reminded that about a month ago I watched my own Mother struggle to breathe.  God was faithful, not that I doubted Him, especially in a time such as this, and He gave me words to share with her Family and Friends that both honored her memory, her life and The Good News.  A trifecta, if you would.  The graveside portion was about an hour and a half away.

Then I returned to the church for one last team meeting before we leave.  It was the Finance Team.  Within my first year here, I was confronted with the fact that the accounting system was, well, what’s a word that I could use in a Christian blog?  Chaotic to the Nth degree.  Nothing illegal mind you, just poor accounting practices.  Nothing balanced and I promised the Finance Team that before I left, everything would be in order and balanced.  Thanks to my Office Manager, Samantha, she brought in a friend who loves accounting, loves numbers, loves problem solving (though I think this episode may have broken her from wanting to solve problems).  Jennifer committed and donated her time and skills for the past 6 months.  She managed to balance 2017, and set up a new system so they could say goodbye and good riddance to a system called Shelby and a new and easier to understand system (ACS) is up and running CORRECTLY.  I kept my promise.  I didn’t promise I would solve the problem, but would get the problem corrected!  Thank you Samantha and Jennifer.  After the meeting, I said goodbye to Samantha, who is more than a staff member, and she informed me I was like a big brother to her.  These words coming from an only child–priceless.  Samantha, you are like the younger sister I never had!  I wish I could get rid of my older sister and have Dad adopt you.

So, what have I learned today?  I’m so glad you asked:

• Keeping your word is important.  Whether it is to a congregation, at work, with family, your neighbors, or even a stranger, keeping your word matters.  In this era, words of promise are casually thrown around, such as, “Oh yes, I’ll pray for you.”, only to never mention it in your prayers to God.  Well, maybe once.  When I make a promise, that is the same thing as making a commitment.  It’s true for you, too.
• There’s always “stuff” that needs to be thrown away in our hearts.  Tonight I made more trips to the curb because tomorrow is pick-up.  I did not want to leave anything on the curb for my replacement.  And I didn’t want to just leave it here for someone else to deal with.  Cleaning out, or in a more biblical image, purifying the heart isn’t a one time thing.  And it’s more than a thing to do every 4 or 5 years.  Guard you heart from collecting stuff–stuff that doesn’t matter to the Kingdom of God–and matters even less to Jesus.
• People matter and need to be appreciated–TOLD they are appreciated.  What else can I say about this?   Nothing!  If you can’t understand this….you are seriously messed up.
• Even in dark times–there is still Good News!  Less than a month after Mother’s funeral, I would have had a good excuse to say no, or just put in a minimal effort into today.  But Jesus did not give his minimal effort for me, and it was infinitely more difficult for Him to do what He did, that what I was called upon to do.  The result was exactly what God promises–that good comes out of evil–for a time I forgot my own grief and God used my tears to bring hope to others.  Our circumstances do not dictate whether or not it is a time for the Good News.  Any time, especially dark times, is the perfect time for the truth that there is Good News.  Seems like that there’s a story in the Bible about the best news ever coming from a cemetery.

Well, it’s time to take my medicines, and hopefully sleep all night.  Now that would be great!  But if I don’t….God has this, and He has me!  Good night, John Boy.

A Moving Journal-Day 4

Well, good evening to all.  I’m sure this journal has you sitting on the edge of your chair.  Yeah, Right.  Even I’m not that delusional.  Well, today can you guess what we did?  If you guessed that we sat in easy chairs watching TV, you will not make it to Final Jeopardy.  More packing and today I moved my boxes of books and office stuff from the office into the garage here at home.  Did some more packing here, and still throwing away.  And now I’ve been told by the Boss Lady that I need to get more boxes.

Gee Whiz!  How much stuff is there around here?  Truthfully, I don’t want to know the answer.  Oh, and I just ordered Direct TV to be installed a week from today.  Man, I hope we have enough boxes unpacked in the rooms for the installation guy.  And then there’s that other thing:  a funeral message tomorrow morning.  More tearful goodbyes.  It was hard to say goodbye to the Tuesday Morning Prayer Warriors group, though they call themselves the Women’s Prayer Group, I know that are Prayer Warriors.  I know they will continue praying for me and Debbie, because it’s in their DNA to pray.  I’m thankful they keep us in their journals.  Still, they had to give me their verbal assurance that they will keep praying for us.

I think this is about it.  So what have I learned today?  Honestly, this morning I was thinking to myself, “What other lessons could I learn than what I’ve already learned?”  Well, that’s the danger of thinking TO yourself.  I almost skipped class, but this evening, here is what I have learned:

• Don’t talk to yourself.  Talk to Dad, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.  My shortcomings happen when I narrow the scope of who I talk to.  Talking to myself, well that just doesn’t work.
• Lose sight of yourself in order to lose sight of the stresses of life.  Saturday afternoon we had visited with Wynette, the one whose funeral I am doing tomorrow.  As I watched her struggle for breath, I had vivid images of 3 weeks ago when I watched my Mother struggle for her breath.  I honestly thought the worst was behind me.  Boy, was I wrong.  But in preparing for tomorrow, sharing with family and friends today, I soon found my heartache being comforted by the Comforter.  For a while, I forgot about my heartache as I focused my attention on their heartache–and I am being strengthened.
• Goodbye Is NEVER easy because it’s not meant to be easy.  Especially when it comes to those who care about you, and for whom you are about, too.  I’ve been moving stuff to the curb I don’t want to move to Fayette, Alabama.  But my friends?  I’ve carried them in my heart and I will continue to carry them in my heart.  That is one thing the movers can’t charge us for.  I can take stuff to the thrift store and stuff to the curb.  But I cannot let go of those relationships that we have built over the past 4 years.  Honestly, I don’t want to let go of them and I won’t.
• There is still a little bit of bitterness in my heart.  I was talking with a very good friend and someone in my Band of Brothers, who wasn’t happy with me moving.  I felt it again–my bitterness.  It wasn’t a lot, but it is still bitterness that will grow if something doesn’t happen.  Only the presence and power of God–and His Grace–through the Holy Spirit’s work, will ever get rid of it all.  I’m counting on Him and I must not forget that not even the smallest root can remain in my heart.

Well, Good night, John Boy!

A Moving Journal-Day 3

OK, Day 3 is in the books.  In 4 more days the moving company will arrive to pick up our belongings.  Then, on Monday afternoon we will meet them again at our new home.  I guess you could say this is entering “crunch time”.  At least it feels this way.  Here was my day.

At about 5:30 a.m. I boxed up some more of my stuff in the garage.  Now it’s trying to figure out which box will work without any wasted space.  Back to the office to finish all the filing and paperwork.  Filing and sorting was something I was going to get to, eventually.  But it is evident I never got around to it.  So now it’s sorting through documents; filing them chronologically–something that wasn’t done before I arrived, but it will be done before I leaven.  I began preparing notes for my successor of things, people and situations he should be aware of in the beginning–again, something I wasn’t given much of upon my arrival.  I’m finding duplicate documents so I am properly disposing of them.

I arrive at home and after supper, it back to “seek and ye shall find” the right size box.  I’m finding some more “stuff” that I was going to do something with eventually.  Now it’s at the curb for curb shoppers and the street department to pick up on Thursday.  I need to get everything out to the curb by Wednesday night so that my successor will arrive without “stuff” stacked by the curb.  And now, I am writing.  So, what lessons have I learned today?  To the casual observer, it might not seem like much, or worth mentioning.  But I have come to realize that the greatest bits of wisdom most often come from lessons learned; even the smallest lesson.

• First, I learned that organizing is essential for the long run.  I mean, by putting things that will go together in the same space at the new home will make the unpacking go much quicker; not that it’s all that quick.  But if I put things from 3 different spaces in just one box, I will be spending more time going between spaces that putting those things up.  Forward thinking is either an art that is being lost in people and churches; or it is a skill that is about to become lost upon the general population; or it is a gift that no one wants anymore.
• Second, I learned that I need to quite practicing the art of procrastination.  There you have it, the one thing that keeps me from being perfect.  I know I just heard someone I know who is reading this fall to the floor laughing.  One of my constant struggles is putting off until next week what I should have done yesterday.  I gotta work on this problem with better results.
• Third, there are still things to be done here before I leave.  One thing I started doing today that I haven’t mentioned is I’ve been praying, listening and thinking of what to say at our friend’s funeral on Wednesday morning.  Another thing I did not mention is that I’ve been working with our financial manager and volunteer accountant on an accurate financial statement.  This church has been using a system that had 2 not so slight issues–it never balanced with the bank statements and it never balanced at the end of the year.  I made a commitment that the financial picture would be clear as a bell before I left.  And after today, I believe it is.
• Fourth, I need to be thinking about our next place of Kingdom work.  About midway through the day I realized I have not been praying nor thinking about our new appointment.  I had not been taking time to listen to the Holy Spirit who I believe is guiding us to these 2 wonderful communities of Jesus followers.  Even in crunch time I need to also be thinking about the most immediate future of next week.

 

 

Moving Journal–Day 2

Well, Day 2 has come to an end in this adventure of preparing for the move.  Today I preached my final message at this church.  It was indeed a mixture of great joy and sadness.  Hugs were everywhere–tears offered and tears fought back.  Over these many years of preaching, the Spirit always challenges me and inspires me to speak about the future.  Since at least 1984, the passage was always John 2–Jesus turning the water into wine.  This miraculous sign tells us that the best is yet to come when we keep our focus on our purpose.

This year it was the Luke 7 passage about that “sinful” woman.  I couldn’t figure it out, but the Spirit finally got through my thick skull.  I challenged them with this question:  “What do you do with broken people?”  The future of any church is hopeful and bright when we deal with broken people the way Jesus dealt with this “sinful” woman.  Maybe I will post that message here some day.

At the end of the service, there were more tears–a faithful follower of Jesus and a great friend had just died after an extended illness.  I grieve her loss because she was an encourager in my life.  So now, we are planning a funeral probably Wednesday.

And being Father’s Day, I heard from all my children and grandchildren today.  And I was thankful to be able to call Dad to say “Happy Father’s Day” to him.  It was just about a month ago when I said my last “Happy Mother’s Day” to Mother.  It was the last time she knew who I was–so even more gratitude from me.  Oh, one more thing, one of our friends and his family took us out to eat, and shared a great time around a table.

So, what have I learned at the end of Day 2?  So glad you asked me:

• Life and death still happen as we make our various journeys through life.  At the early service I was blessed to perform an infant baptism service.  And at the close of the second service, I was confronted with grief with the death of Wynette.  In the midst of changes, everyday things still happen.
• I learned that God moves in different ways at different times.  He wouldn’t let me preach my standard “farewell” message.  Instead, He had a timely and timeless message.  I have to be more careful when I start thinking that God moves the same way and does the same thing every time.  God loves to surprise us.
• And I learned today the value of friendships.  It is our friends that are holding us up at this time.  It is my Band of Brothers that has my back and will fight for me against The Enemy.  And time around the table, with a meal, is a sacred and holy time that should be cherished and like it says on shampoo bottles:  “Lather, Rinse, and Repeat”–especially that part about repeat.  The food where we ate is noted for being excellent–but somehow it tasted even better because we shared that time with Dennis and his wonderful family.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night.  I don’t know if it was the “Last Sunday” jitters or dread.  But I know God has been with us throughout this day–and He will be with us again, tomorrow.

A Moving Journal: Day 1

Last night I was prompted to start a journal of this journey we are facing.  It’s called “Moving”!  One would think that as a pastor, I would eventually get accustomed to it.  But I’m not.  Since the Spirit has been developing this “writing thing” in me, I might as well use it.  So each day I will post something–not just the stresses and  events of moving–but the spiritual lessons He is teaching me–excuse me–trying to teach me.  I admit that at times I am not always the best student.  I would rather teach–but I know I can’t teach unless I also learn.

Today is Saturday, 16 June 2018 and this coming Friday, 22 June 2018, the moving company will be here to pack up our belongings.  At 62, I’m not going to load a U-Haul.  Then on Monday, 25 June 2018, we will move into our new home and to our new appointment to serve Jesus and The Kingdom at Mt. Vernon (near Fayette, Al.) and Oak Hill (near Sulligent, Al.).  We’ve been packing up all along, and now it is at the stage of “when we’ve used it, it’s time to pack it up”.  My current office is all packed up.  It’s just the things here at home.  This the timeline.  Now, to what’s happening today.

More packing of course, and in a bit, I will assist at the funeral of a long time family friend, and personal friend.  I met Benny, I think it was in 1968, when my Dad was sent to Mhoontown for his very first appointment as a pastor.  Our families stayed close and through the years, Benny was always encouraging me as a pastor and preacher.  And I consider it a great honor to be there; to remember him and to remember what he always told me:  “Randy, keep telling them about Jesus!”

And something else is happening today.  Tomorrow will be my last sermon here.  I know, I know that Jesus said don’t worry about tomorrow, just take care of today.  But I’m not worrying, so I Jesus is OK with me simply thinking about it.  Isn’t it amazing how we can justify our own sins!  God has a vision for this place–to transform it from a typical downtown “first church” into a Kingdom Church.  Signs of this transformation have been happening the past 4 years.  I had dreamed of being here long enough to see it come to full fruition.  But we are not.

And this is what I am struggling with.  Though I am convinced that I still had much to offer in this process of transformation, the powers that be thought otherwise.  This belief stung my heart like a simultaneous swarm of yellow jackets and hornets.  The wound is healing, thanks to God’s grace and those who have are instruments of that grace.  I promised this journal would also be about what I am being taught by Him.  So here is what I am learning so far.

• The Kingdom of God is much bigger than me.  It is His Kingdom, not mine.
• God is sending me, not a group of people.
• God still has Kingdom Work for me at Mt. Vernon and Oak Hill
• God still cares about us and will take care of us wherever we go

I have always viewed my appointments as Divine Appointments–not my Tribe sending me somewhere, but God sending me somewhere.  There was one appointment where I was absolutely convinced that the Tribe wasn’t listening to God.  I had no idea why I was there–the chaos was crushing.  But on my last Sunday there, 3 people were saved and one of them, was a hard case.  Joe only went to church when his kids were in some program.  He had no desire for God.  But then the Spirit did an amazing thing–He connected me and Joe through fishing and hunting.  A friendship developed and on my last Sunday, Joe rushed to the altar, tears in his eyes and said, “If anyone is going to show me how this happens, it’s going to be you!”

And now looking back, I see so many “Joes” who are taking their relationship with Jesus much deeper.  Many of us have laughed together, celebrated together and cried together.  I truly hate to leave behind these friends.  But I know that our friendships will continue on, deeper and better than ever before.

And I also know that there are more “Joes” in Fayette and Lamar Counties who need to know the real Jesus and others who need to grow in that relationship.  It is what some call “Mixed Blessings”.  And what is hold me together now, is that this moment and this new journey is in God’s hands and HE is charting the path for me.

My Apology: “Why does HE Eat With Tax Collectors And Sinners?” (Like me?)

(This post is for those I wounded last week.  I am truly sorry.)

 

 

 

 

¹⁵ While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with Him and His disciples, for there were many who followed Him. ¹⁶ When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw Him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked His disciples: “Why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?”  Mark 2:15-16 (NIV)

We know the Pharisees, A.K.A. The Religious Police, loved to ask questions.  Many of their questions directed to Jesus were attempts to discredit Him or find just cause to put Him to death.  So today we often ignore and disregard their questions.  But this question…this question is a great question and deserves our full attention.  Regardless of their motives, it is a question that should be allowed to roll over in our gray matter.  And I believe the answer says something, not about the nature of the Pharisees, but about us and the very nature of God, Himself.

Sharing a meal in their culture was a very important moment.  Meal time was a moment of sharing life with friends or showing hospitality to a stranger.  It was deep and intimate, even sacred.  Perhaps in our day of take out, eating in front of the TV, families eating in shifts, meals don’t seem to be sacred moments.  And the images of the Walton Family around the dinner table are forgotten memories.  But when this question was asked, it shows the significance of the dinner table.  Why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners, like ME?  Who are we to have Jesus share such an important moment?  Look at the people who would have been around that table that evening.  Better yet, look at ourselves as being at that meal.

• Like the tax collectors, we can driven by greed
• We become overly obsessed with our feelings
• We put others down for our own reasons.  Yes, the Pharisees put down those tax collectors and sinners.  Don’t you think they did the same toward those Pharisees?
• We allow ourselves to be over-inflated with a sense of self–self-importance, self-righteousness, selfish-desires
• We make poor choices in our life
• We do not consider the consequences of those choices
• When wounded we lash out at even our friends in anger
• We manipulate people for our own ends
• We allow labels to become our sole identity
• We point out the faults of others while ignoring our own
• We ignore what matters the most
• We close our eyes to the needs around us
• We find all kinds of good excuses for our sins
• We put blame on the doorstep of others
• We gossip
• We smear the good name of others
• We withhold forgiveness when hurt and tightly hold on to our grudges
• We give in to our lustful desires
• We point out the problems without offering solutions
• We worship idols of our own making, misuse God’s name, excuse ourselves from weekly worship, dishonor family, kill both literally and figuratively, violate God’s sexual ethic, take what is not ours, lie to and about others, and we want what our neighbor has
• I know I missed some more of mine, and in case I missed your sin, fill in the blank here_____________________

I know that I am truly the least deserving of sharing a meal, of eating dinner with Jesus.  I fail Him more times than I care to admit.  I mess things up.  I assume.  I forget.  I become careless.  I surrender to the wrong things.  I fail to fight the right things.  I am sitting at Levi’s table.  And there HE is, passing me the mashed potatoes, smiling at me and my fellow sinners.  Laughing at our jokes and telling his own.  Why in the world does HE seem to enjoy sitting at the sinners table?  I hide it, but inside I’m twinging at the thought that here I am, eating a meal with Pure Holiness, with God Himself.  Inside I’m cringing, desperately wanting to run out the door and hide in my shame.

And then I overhear the Pharisees question: “Why does HE eat with tax collectors and sinners, like him (pointing that finger at me)?”  Or am I pointing my own finger at me?  (Heavy sigh, and some tears right now.)  “Why, Jesus, why?  Why me?  Why now?  Can’t you see what a mess I am?  I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.  I am a man of unclean lips!  Why are you smiling at me?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Quit looking at me with that smile, I’m unfit and worthless.  I’m a failure!”  But HE keeps on smiling and says, “Would you like some more bread?  Here, let me refill that cup.”

More bread?  Refill the cup?  Me?????  Now I really want to run out that door and hide and bitterly cry.  I could, I should–I ought to run away now!  “Run, Randy, Run!”  My hands are shaking as I take the bread.  My legs are shaking as I take that cup.  Were I to stand up now, I feel like my legs would collapse.  So I stay at the sinners table, holding the bread in one hand, the cup in the other, and my eyes locked into the eyes of Jesus.  I just don’t understand, why?  I am so small, so unfit and unworthy, such a mess.  I feel like this failure is final and fatal.  Washed up and washed out.  But then HE says, “Eat that bread, I know you’re hungry.  And that Cup has the finest wine ever.  You should taste it.  It is really good.”

Could it be true?  Does Jesus still care about me?  Dare HE forgive me?  A fresh start?  Is there unfinished business that this sinner needs to do for HIM?  I’m still unsure, uncertain when He reaches out and touches my hand with HIS hand.  And I see it, clear as day–the Scar!  It’s the exact size of those spikes used by Roman Soldiers to nail someone to a Cross.  I have to ask, “Jesus, does that scar still hurt?”  He keeps on smiling and gently says, “Not anymore.  In fact, I’m rather proud of that scar.  I have a few more I could show you, but not at the dinner table, Randy.  And I’m just as proud of them, too.”  Vainly I hold on to my question, “But why?  Why Jesus?  Why me?”

The smile is gone but the look is serious, like urgent business, like something important needs to be said, MUST be said.  His lips begin to move and HE says, “Randy, just eat the bread, son, and drink the wine.  It really tastes great.  None better, I tell you.  If that doesn’t answer your question, then ask ME again.”  That scarred hand lifts my hand holding the bread to my mouth as if to say, “It’s OK.”  I taste that bread, and tears roll down my cheeks; not tears of shame I had been holding back.  They were tears of release.  With that same scarred hand, HE guided my hand holding the cup, and I drank.

There was a flood of relief coming over me.  Oh, I still had some uncertainties about the future, but I knew those scarred hands were holding me now and would not fail me later.  And reality hit me back to the moment; the moment of that question:  “Why does HE dine with tax collectors and sinners like Randy?”  Those disciples looked terrified.  Why don’t they put those Pharisees in their place?  I wanted to jump up and shout, “Hey!  Why don’t you just ask Jesus?  You cowards!”  The word cowards being directed at both the disciples and the Pharisees.

But it was like Jesus knew what I was about to do.  His hand gently pushed me back into my seat, at the sinners table.  HE leaned into me and whispered, “Don’t be so hard on My disciples there.  They don’t know what you know.  Not yet, but they will, they will.  Besides, I’ve got this.  And about last week?  If you had given your pain over to me, I would have handled it, too.  Excuse me for a moment, I need to say something.”

“Guys, you are right.  I am here eating with tax collectors and sinners.”  His scarred hand now rests on my shoulders, as if to say “Like this one”.  He continues talking, every eye in the room on HIM, including mine.  What will HE say?  “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. And these people around this sinners table?”  Now HE is looking at me, and smiling again.  “Unlike some, they know they are sick.  So they have come to the Doctor, all in hope that they could become whole again.  Now, if you will excuse me, MY patients are waiting for me and I don’t need to keep them waiting any longer.”

And as for me?  I don’t have to ask why anymore.  The wonderful taste of that Bread and that Wine are still in me.  He IS right, the taste is good, great, and wonderful.  I should have trusted Him last week.  I was just thinking, “You know, Randy, if you had done that last week you wouldn’t be sitting at the sinners table now.”  But, I thought again, “No, I need to be at the sinners table at every meal, because I am still sick and need what this Doctor alone will give me.”  Now excuse me, Jesus is about to tell another joke and I do not want to miss a word He says…

Memories

Photo from SBS News http://www.sbs.com.au

My normal (which is abnormal for many) posts are about issues that surround the western church and its successes and more often, its failures when it comes to being a part of the Kingdom of God.  In fact, my “default” category for every post includes “Kingdom of God”.  But this morning I unchecked that category and selected only one category:  “Personal”.  Like music, writing helps me create “white space” where I can listen more clearly to God and regain the focus that is essential for life in God’s Kingdom.  But today is personal.

This week has been a “different” week, sorta like the past few weeks.  Normally Monday is the day I really focus on further developing and tweaking my “next Sunday’s” sermon.  Wednesday is the day I need to finish information for the bulletin notes and the ProPresenter slides for that message.  But Monday was spent at the hospital because my wife Debbie was having another arteriogram due to recurring chest pains.  She has 8 stents and one heart attack under her belt.  So no office time for me Monday.  Oh, by the way, no additional blockages!  Thank and Praise the Lord!  So it wasn’t until Thursday that I was able to finish the tasks related to The Proclamation of God’s Word on Sunday.  (Great staff and volunteers who show me so much grace).

Needless to say Thursday was “crunch time” with many tasks to complete.  After I finished my tasks, I left the office for another journey to Mitchell-Hollingsworth Rehab Center where my Mother is currently residing.  After a brief stay at the hospital we received the “official” diagnosis.  We knew she was experiencing severe dementia and her needs were far more that Dad and us could provide at home.  The official diagnosis is Subcortical Vascular Cognitive Impairment.  A big scary name for something scarier–mini strokes.  Probably hundreds over the past few years, according to the doctor.  Every time one of them occurs, a bit of her brain dies.  And it seems their frequency is more often.

This has been one of, if not my most difficult journey.  Excuse me, back to yesterday.  As I went to see her because I love her, and to give Dad the opportunity to slip out without her noticing so she doesn’t start crying (they’ve been married almost 73 years), she was eating.  I took over helping her so Dad could slip out.  She was telling me her Mother and Daddy had been to visit today and hoped they got home OK.  He died in the last 60’s and she died in the early 90’s.  As I continued to assist her eating, she looked up in a rare lucid moment and said, “Daddy’s dead, isn’t he.”  And when she asked about her Mother, I said, “She’s home.”  And she is at home, in heaven; a place I hope my Mother will soon be (as cruel as that may sound).

Well, here I go rambling again.  I’m doing that a lot here lately.  This week one of those I serve, well actually Barbara serves me maybe more than I do her (well maybe we serve each other, that sounds like something Jesus really approves of) left me her latest edition of Guideposts and an article marked for me.  It was titled Grace, Gratitude & Faith by Jeff Bjorck.  Click here to read the article.  It is the story of his journey with his Mother into the dark realm of dementia.

It is a timely gift to me.  One of his lessons was to Make A Lot Out Of A Little.  And as I was feeding her I had a memory of something I don’t remember.  That makes a lot of sense!  The memory of what I don’t remember was all about her taking the time to feed me when I was an infant and then as a toddler, teaching me how to feed myself.  And now, less than a month from being 62 years OLD here I am feeding her and helping teach her how to feed herself.

And as sad as that feeling was to me, I remembered another point Jeff made:  Grow Gratitude.  I then tried to imagine what she must have felt as I was unable to feed myself.  The incredible love.  And then trying to teach me to feed myself.  My, what messes I must have made.  But out of love she was in the process of helping me to grow and become a responsible adult.

Now the roles are reversed, except that part of teaching her to become a responsible adult.  I find myself living in and living out those lessons she taught me without me being aware of them or even remembering them.  I am getting to pay her back for all she has done for me–and for this I am truly grateful.

Oh, I’m still angry that Abba hasn’t called her home, and still angry that I am grieving the loss of Mother before she even dies; and that will be another grief for me to face.  But I cannot imagine the grief that Dad feels right now.  So I also focus the love toward him as we walk this dark valley together.  But for now, I cherish the memories I have, even those I can’t remember…

 

Cultural Bias-The Bible And Divorce

 

This is the first in a series of posts about how cultural biases influence the truth of The Bible.  As I accepted this challenge from the Holy Spirit, I realize, especially on today’s topic, that I am influenced by certain biases based on who I am.  Today’s subject is DIVORCE (and try to imagine Tammy Wynette singing “D-I-V-O-R-C-E“).  My personal culture is challenging me and I confess it is a struggle.  For I am:

1. A disciple of Jesus
2. A pastor
3. I am divorced
4. I have remarried

On those last 2 bullet points, I will address in the next post.  But for now, let’s just focus on the single issue of divorce and The Bible.  Let’s look at the oldest known manuscript from the New Testament which is Mark 10:2-12

² Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”  ³ Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”  ⁴ “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”

⁵ But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. ⁶ But ‘God made them male and female’from the beginning of creation. ⁷ ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ⁹ let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

¹⁰ Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. ¹¹ He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

To understand what The Bible says about divorce, you need to understand what God says about marriage.  We see this in Genesis 2:24–“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”  Even Jesus quotes this in Mark 10:6-9.  Marriage is a life long commitment of a man and a woman.

So, what about divorce?  There are 2 camps on this issue.  One camp says that since the death of Jesus, this “law” has been abolished.  God is all about the love now and the “law” doesn’t apply.  Sound familiar?  Isn’t it easy to justify our views!  Yet Jesus said in Matthew 5:17-19–¹⁷ “Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose. ¹⁸ I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear until its purpose is achieved.”  So much for this cultural bias.

The other camp says that if divorce happens, neither should remarry, otherwise they are guilty of adultery.  Adultery is a violation of the boundaries God provided for His gift of sexual intimacy.  I will address the issue of sexuality later, but for now, let’s understand that the only expression of sexual intimacy that God approves of and blesses is that between husband (man) and wife (woman).

I admit that at times I am not the brightest light bulb in the box, but it is very clear that God, and thus The Bible, does not approve of divorce.  Now remember my own cultural bias–I am divorced and have remarried.

So let’s set the facts:

1. Divorce is a sin
2. Remarrying results in adultery, which is also a sin

I believe that the biases around divorce are not about the Principle, rather it is in the Application of this Truth.  I think most of us would agree the divorce violates God’s Intended Design.  So how do we apply this, I’ll call it “Truth Principle”, to the lives, like myself, who are found in the muck and mire of divorce?  I might as well use myself as our case study.

First, I violated God’s Intended Design, thus I had sinned.  How do I apply this Truth Principle to my life?  Well, what should any of us do when we have sinned?  I brought this sin of divorce to the place I had always brought my sin:  to the foot of The Cross.  It wasn’t easy.  The part that wasn’t easy at first was believing He would actually forgive me and give me a fresh start.  After all, I was a “pastor” and would He even want me any longer because of my sin?  I was broken and a mess.

I was ready to pull a “Jonah” and walk away from His calling.  With a handful of people, God used them to let me know that I was forgiven.  But now there were 2 deeper issues for me:  “Could I forgiving myself?  And what does God do with me now?”  There were those who were beating me up over the divorce and I don’t know why.  I was doing a real good job of beating myself up.  Right after the divorce my best friend at night was Jack, Jack Daniels that is.  But God stayed faithful to me and in this process He taught me this:  “Look bonehead, if I can forgive you, and I have, then it’s OK to forgive yourself.  Jesus already took your guilt and condemnation.  You’re carrying around false guilt and false condemnation.  STOP IT, ALREADY!  I’ve got work for you to do!”

The Spirit then reminded me of these passages:

Psalm 103:12 (NLT)

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Isaiah 43:25 (NLT)

“I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

1 John 1:9  (NLT)

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

The Principle Truth of the Bible says that I am forgiven, my sins are forgotten by God, I have a brand new life and that He has cleansed my sin from me.  But the cultural bias says that because I have remarried, I am now guilty of adultery BECAUSE I am divorced.  But am I now guilty of adultery?  Cultural Bias says “YES” But the Principle Truth of The Bible says “NOT AT ALL” because God has forgiven and forgotten my sin.  Had I not brought my sin to The Cross, then most definitely I would be guilty of adultery.

Here’s the application of this Principle Truth of The Bible.  God no longer sees me with the label of “divorced” even though the Cultural Bias calls me more than divorced, it calls me a “Divorced Pastor”.  Tell me this:  if someone was guilty of stealing but repented and confessed to God and trusted by faith in the redeeming work of Jesus on The Cross, do you still call that person “Thief”?  If their sin was gossiping and they turned away and were forgiven by God, do you still call them “Gossiper”?  If she was a prostitute and she came to Jesus and turned away from her old life would you still call her “Whore”?  (I suspect someone reading this is more upset by the word “whore” than the fact they put labels on people that God refuses to put on them.)

Cultural Bias treats divorce different from every other sin because it puts the moniker over the person for the rest of their lives, even though God doesn’t.  I know that to some this may sound like self-justification for my own sin.  But here’s the truth:  I have walked through this dark night of the soul.  I was allowing cultural bias define me rather that the Principle Truths of God’s Word.  And I have approached this subject with great struggle and with even greater humility.  I am NOT one of those who loves to show off my scars.  I would rather keep them hidden.  But if my scars helps one person to be set free from this cultural bias and rip off that horrible name put on them by cultural bias, then God has used my scars for His Glory, and I’m OK with that.

If you are divorced, first and foremost GO TO THE CROSS!  Allow that most precious blood pour over you and hear The Father say, “It’s gone and forgotten!  You are a brand new person!”  Now you are free to live your life by God’s Design.  I have learned much from my sin and apply those lessons every day.  God brought a wonderful gift into my life when I was in the dark night of my soul.  Her name is Debbie.  Debbie lavished God’s Grace on me and though I was reluctant (I mean VERY reluctant) to fall in love with her, I did.  I see her as one of God’s wonderful gifts and try (not always successfully) to treat her the way any of God’s gifts need to be treated.  With respect, honor, gratitude and joy.

My Difficult Journey…Today!

 

The angel of God came back, shook him awake again, and said, “Get up and eat some more—you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”  He got up, ate and drank his fill, and set out. Nourished by that meal, he walked forty days and nights, all the way to the mountain of God, to Horeb.

1 Kings 19:7-9 (The Message)

This particular story best describes where I am this morning.  “It just so happened” (yeah, right!) that I read David’s Kitz’s blog A Dark Psalm For Dark Times.  I am on one of, if not the most difficult journey, in my life; even more so than my divorce.  At least during that dark period I had hope, though ever so small, that God would heal and restore me.  But today, honestly, I see no such hope, which is probably why it “just so happened” that I read David’s morning edition.

Today I and my son, Matthew, are going to look at some “nursing homes” for my Mother.  At 89 she is in that prison known as dementia.  In the last 2 weeks her mind has become in the words of Forrest Gump, “a gazillion times” worse.  Dad, who will be 92 next month, has been doing his very best to take care of his wife of 73 years.  And now it has taken its toll on him.  Yesterday as he and I discussed what we would do today, what he said literally broke my heart:  “Son, I would rather take her to the cemetery rather than do this.  But it has to be done.”  There were tears in his eyes and his voice quivered.  He was broken and in a prison, too.

As a pastor, I am fortunate enough to share life with those entrusted to my care.  Shared meals, baptisms, weddings and just enjoying the extraordinary joys of the ordinary life are a part of this life as a pastor.  I also share in times of heartache: sickness, loss of jobs, the prodigal child, the prodigal spouse, the prodigal parent, and yes, the journey with them of watching losing a loved one long before they die.  My heart has always broken for those families living through this nightmare called dementia.

And now, my own nightmare intensifies.  As I watched others go through this nightmare, I became angry with God.  “Why are you allowing this to continue?  For heaven’s sake, please take them home!”  Honestly, I do not understand why He didn’t and thus, the source of my frustration (I know I did a blog/sermon on frustration).  And at the risk of sounding to some as being callous and uncaring, I’m “praying without ceasing” that God will take my Mother home instead of us taking her to a nursing home.  Dad’s right;  a journey to the cemetery would be much easier.  This is frustrating!

So what do I do?  Can I do?  Psalm 88:18 describes where I am perfectly:  “You have taken away my companions and loved ones.  Darkness is my closest friend.”  I looked up this Psalm and found out that the last word in the original Hebrew is DARKNESS.  Unlike other Psalms of despair that end with “hope”, this one ends in DARKNESS.

Maybe David Kitz is correct in pointing out this song written by someone known as Heman the Ezrahite.  I would like to think The Spirit inspired David to write this blog just for me; even further back, that He inspired Heman the Ezrahite to write it just for me in 2018.  And right now I am holding on, barely but holding on, to the middle, exactly the middle of this Psalm.  It’s verse 9:  “Each day I beg for your help, O Lord; I lift my hands to you for mercy.”  Maybe there is something prophetic that in the exact middle of darkness, Heman begs and cries out to God.  And so do I….so do I…  Prayers greatly appreciated…