New Discovery Brings New Meaning To The Lincoln-Douglas Debates

Did you know at one time that each state’s legislature selected their Senators for the U.S. Senate? One contentious battle for that seat happened in Illinois in 1858 between the incumbent Stephen Douglas and this guy named Abraham Lincoln. They had a series of 7 debates, each man hoping to sway the Illinois legislature to select them. And it has been taught that the hot button topic was on the expansion of slavery into the U.S. Territories. But recently an old barn in Illinois was being demolished and a newspaper from a now defunct newspaper, The Roof Leak Weekly, sheds new light on this hot topic button.

According to an article in that recently discovered issue of Roof Leak Weekly, it wasn’t the issue of slavery, rather it was the issue of the Internet. Douglas insisted, at time shouting, “Everything you read on the Internet must be true–nay–IT IS TRUE!” Well, Abe took the opposite view frequently stating, in a small voice, “Now hold on to those reins Stephen. Just because it’s on the Internet doesn’t mean there is even a small morsel of Truth. My father taught me that right after he caught me cutting down the cherry tree.” This discord became the single bone of contention between these gentlemen–at times nearly coming to blows betwixt them. This is according to The Roof Leak Weekly–and if The Roof Leak Weekly said so, then it is so! Now you knew the real Truth about the Lincoln-Douglas Debates. By the way, in case you did not know, Lincoln won the debates, but lost the election to the U.S. Senate.

Are you scratching your head, wondering if I hit my head really hard yesterday with this opening? Do you think me preposterous, loony, wacky, daffy, dippy, flaky, incongruous, nutty and screwy for such statements? Well, since you’re reading this sentence, it means it’s on the Internet, so it must be true! OK, OK, I said OK! You caught me in a moment of Sagacious Sarcasm. As ridiculous as my nonsensical news about those famous debates sounds, so is a lot of other impedimenta being put out on the Wacky World Web–sometimes referred to as The Internet!

There is a plethora of conspiracies and truths out there hidden behind every tree that the government doesn’t want YOU to know. They are being kept in a secret government bunker under lock and key in a vault and under the control of just a handful of people who are more than afraid–they are TERRIFIED and PANIC STRICKEN that anyone else would know The Truth. Fox Mulder was right–“The Truth is out there!” But alas, do not despair. Remember Stephen Douglas’ assertion on the truth of the Internet! And if The Truth is out there–and it is according to Fox Mulder–some hero will manage in infiltrate that secret government bunker to find it–or find someone with access to that secret government bunker who is tired of lying to the masses and will get The Scoop On The Truth to some Internet Crusader!

Here’s an example: The COVID-19 Vaccine. I’ve had both doses of the Moderna vaccine and as proof I have been and continue to be unaffected by the vaccine, here is my latest selfie:

Seriously folks, there are side effects to every medication. Have your read the warning label on acetaminophen? Or when a physician orders your a prescription do you read about all the side effects? But there are pseudo-scientists and lazy researchers who are experts in their own illusionary world telling us all kinds of things about the vaccine. But hey! It’s on the Wacky World Web so it must be true.

Did you just hear that? In case you didn’t, it was the sound of a heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy sigh from the depths of my mind and heart. It’s not just on vaccines–name any subject and somewhere is an alleged and lazy pseudo-journalist that can find that there the truth is out there–in that heavily secured underground government bunker in an unknown location (which at this time some pseudo-journalist is searching for and will find that secret underground government)!

It seems there are many, too many people out there who are quick to believe in and will pay double the price for the snake oil. I know many of them, and you probably do, too! At the risk of sounding older than dirt–How I long for the good old days when people would think for themselves–and had enough common sense to know what Abraham Lincoln knew so long ago–That Everything You Read On The Internet Isn’t True!