And The Verdict Is. . .

Most people in the United States are found GUILTY of Having No Common Sense And Are Acting Stupid!

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As of last night the CDC reports there are 122,653 of confirmed and presumptive positive cases of COVID-19 reported to CDC or tested at CDC since January 21, 2020 in the United States. This number is up from Saturday evening’s number of 103,321. People in the U.S. are panic buying. It started with toilet paper and hand sanitizer and now it’s milk, bread, eggs and God knows what else. People are scooping up self-rising flour who have never made a biscuit in their life! And the jury has reached a verdict.

Most people in the United States are found GUILTY of Having No Common Sense And Are Acting Stupid! It took the jury only 3 seconds to reach this verdict. When you consider the evidence it is no surprise at all. Just look at the evidence:

  • You ask a student “You have 3 apples and give 1 apple to your friend, how many are left?” and rather than the student imagine 3 apples, take away 1 and count what’s left, which is 1 then 2, 2 apples left, they have replaced it with common core math. To find the answer you take the circumference of Saturn, divide that by the number of species of ducks, multiply that answer by the temperature on the surface of Mercury, then subtract the number of Wal-Marts in the world, divided by 7.68345690 and subtract the number of people who will buy eggs today and Voila! The answer is 2!
  • Participation Trophies! You have achieved greatness by simply being present. Forget effort. Forget skill and ability. Besides, it’s plain meanness to reward success!
  • Entitlement has become the norm. Who needs perseverance? What’s the value in trying and learning from failure? You exist therefore you deserve!
  • Administrators tell teachers, “You have to teach for the state tests. Forget knowledge and wisdom–it’s the scores on those tests that matter most. NOT the students needs, but OUR need to score high on those tests!”
  • Many school systems have taken out vocational/technical schools because it’s more important for the students to go to college in order for them to ask “Would you like a fried apple pie with this order?” The number of high school students who receive a college degree looks great on the paperwork!
  • Speaking of college, OY VEY! Professors have concluded that they are the experts in their fields and are the sole depository of knowledge, and expect their students to be their little minions who perpetuate their jabber and twaddle. (if you don’t know the meaning of twaddle, look it up!) Cemetery Professors, excuse me, that should have been Seminary Professors, are the absolute worst!
  • And parents? OY VEY! OY VEY! OY VEY! They want to be their child’s friend! Great gobbledygook! This is enough evidence by itself to arrive at that Guilty Verdict!
  • Morality, what is right and wrong, good and bad, is determined by the individual rather than proven standards, such as the Bible. They even encourage their children to find their own gender rather than accept what nature gave them.
  • Consequences? What’s that? People are protected from the consequences of their choices and actions. There is always someone else, something else to blame. Oy gevalt! Bupkes! That’s mishegas! It’s bupkes! Go ahead and kvetsh if it makes you feel better! (I love Yiddish!)
  • And finally, it’s more important to be kind than truthful–especially when truth hurts. A president once challenged this nation to be a kinder and gentler nation. Well, people accepted the challenge, and look at the mess we’re in!

Look at this nation now. More and more people are thinking more and more about themselves while thinking less and less about others. I heard one story of a shopper who was buying up milk. The business only allowed 2 gallons to be purchased. So she bought 2 gallons; then went back in a went through the self checkout with 2 more gallons. This continued until she had her minivan full of milk. Another shopper was doing the same with toilet paper until an astute associate saw what she was doing and cut her off!

There was a time when you didn’t need a declaration from the government to stay at home if you were sick. It was called Common Sense and Decency! There was a time when people cared more about others than themselves. There was a time when valor and restraint were considered virtues. There was a time when hard work was noble and the dream people held dear. And there was a time when it was appropriate to call out, in a kind way, stupidity in others. Well. . . what can I say? Too many people are null and void when it comes to common sense–and are stupid, I say, absolutely stupid! They make the 3 Stooges look like clones of Albert Einstein.

JUST 3 PLANTS

As long as I can remember, Dad had a garden. I mean a BIG garden. I think it came from his growing up years when times were hard. In spite of those hard times, he absolutely loved planting a garden! I remember him coming home from an 8 hour day at the local Reynolds plant and working until dark. His Saturdays found him working in the garden. And when they decided to build a new home in a subdivision he purchased 2 lots–one for the home and the other for the garden.

Even after my sister and I grew up and moved away, Dad continued his garden. After he retired, I remember my Mother fussing because he was working so hard in that garden. At first I suggested he slow down; but then I realized if he died working the garden, he would have died happy. Lord knows I’ve seen enough people die in misery. But as the years passed, he made his garden smaller. The only way he could do that was to plant some fruit trees so there wouldn’t be room to plant something else.

Finally, time did catch up with Dad and he just couldn’t garden the way he wanted. So he would plant in buckets and the inside of a washing machine tomato plants, squash and sometimes a cayenne pepper. But this spring, I was worried about him. Recently I asked him about his tomato and squash plants he told me, “I don’t think I’ll be doing them this year.” Understanding my Dad, I knew this wasn’t a good sign.

A bit of context. Dad just turned 94 years old. My Mother, his wife of 72 years, died 2 years ago come May. He still lives in that house he had built in 1962. It is filled with many wonderful memories, for him and us. He sounded tired, and I know he is; at times his grief is almost overwhelming. And for him not to plant at least 1 tomato plant and 2 squash plants meant he didn’t see a future for himself here on earth. I know he longs to go home to be with The Father.

But this week, 3 plants changed everything: 1 tomato plant and 2 squash plants. When I called him he proudly told me that he had put out his “garden”. That, my friends, is what is known as hope. Hope doesn’t blossom and become fruitful in the best of times–but in the most difficult of times. My Dad’s hope has grown. I realize that at 94 years old he may not eat a single tomato sandwich or fry up a skillet of fried squash–but he is planning on it. That is when hope becomes visual.

And the lesson, my dear readers, is clear in these days. COVID-19 is scary and there are many, maybe some of you, who have ONLY hunkered down and you do not see a future filled with hope. Let me ask you this question: What are you doing right now to plan for the future? I’m not talking about hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer. What are your plans WHEN this pandemic is over? And are those plans simply a reflection of what you are doing now? Where’s the hope in that?

So start “planting” now how to enjoy life more than ever. “Plant” those plans of spending more time with family and friends. “Plant” those plans of reconnecting with the Body of Christ. “Plant” those plans of being kinder in public. “Plant” that plan of a special trip with your family. Don’t wait until the pandemic is over to “plant” your hope. Do it now! Otherwise, your current mindset will continue to control your life. Three plants changed Dad’s perspective. It doesn’t take a whole lot to change your perspective. After all, only you can determine your perspective.

The Real Cause Has Been Identified

The prevalent question among the sane and those of us blessed with common sense is, “Where is all this fear, panic and hoarding coming from?” I know the answer. But before I share it with you, a little bit of perspective from me. In previous times when we’ve seen this kind of behavior and I’ve been asked “Why is this happening?” My answer was, “They don’t have any perspective.” Well, I was wrong.

Everybody has a perspective. Each person’s perspective is never chosen for them by someone else; each person chooses their perspective. And in these times they may want to blame the Chinese, news media, health care system, pharmaceutical companies, the Illuminati (yes, I’ve heard this as to blame for the current fear and chaos), or the ever favorite scapegoat, President Trump. Not so fast, Buckaroo! NO ONE CHOOSES YOUR PERSPECTIVE AND NO ONE FORCES YOU TO HAVE YOUR CURRENT PERSPECTIVE! It is never chosen for you. People may, and in fact do make many of your choices for you. But perspective? ONLY YOU CONTROL YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

What? What’s that you say? Someone just disagreed with me. You said, “No! It’s the fault of the Chinese, news media, Trump that’s causing me to fear!” No it’s not and just because you say it’s the reason why doesn’t make it the reason why. You have taken life as it happens and have chosen your perspective. That’s a fact, Jack! You can disagree with me but…

The mass fear, pandemonium, and chaos comes from the perspective of, guess what? The Perspectives of Fear, Pandemonium or Chaos. And the wonderful thing about perspective is that it can change–for the better or for the worse. Allow me to share some “different” perspectives in these times:

If you have an autoimmune disease, respiratory issues, or are on chemo or radiation therapy, choose to stay at home. Your perspective in this time is to prevent you from becoming sicker than you already are. Call a friend, family member or neighbor to go shopping for you. It’s not just the COVID-19 virus that you should be concerned about, but Type A and Type B flu is a threat to you. More people have died from Type A & Type B flu than from cornavirus.

If you have a sore throat, coughing, fever or sinus issues, get diagnosed by a doctor. Your perspective in this time is to make sure whatever it is, you don’t share it with anyone. Sure, it may be just allergies; but let a doctor make that call. And if you are diagnosed with Coronavirus or the Flu, stay out of contact with anyone until the doctor declares it to be safe for you to go out. And follow the treatment plan your doctor gives you. Don’t stop taking any medicines just because “you feel better now”.

And if you are healthy, no flu or other symptoms, carry on with your life and respect the space of others. Your perspective in this time is to be hopeful and upbeat, kind and encouraging. Now, I’m a hand-shaker and a hugger. It’s just who I am–I love and care about people. And I admit it’s a challenge not to extend the hand or arm for a hug. But it’s a challenge I’m up to–and so can you. Not only is the flu virus and coronavirus contagious, but so is a smile, as well as kind words. Greet people with a “Hello, how are you doing?” or something similar. Choose to be cheerful, optimistic and encouraging. You will be amazed at how social spaces are changed by a smile and kind words.

So, remember, you get to choose your own perspective in these times. In fact, every day you get to choose your perspective–and you DO CHOOSE YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE. Just remember this scene from the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”

You can choose your perspective poorly or you can choose your perspective wisely…

A Very Special Thank You

This post is to say “Thank You” to three very special groups: The News Media, The Entrepreneurs, and The Collectors (otherwise known as HOARDERS). In a time when gratitude seems to be rarely appreciated as a virtue and even more rarely expressed, it behooves me to be both grateful and express my gratitude. In these times I feel the need to give each of these groups the recognition they so rightly deserve, as well as a note of “Thanks” for what they have done and continue to do.

THE NEWS MEDIA

First to the news media folks. Where do I begin? There are so many things you are responsible for that needs to be recognized, along with my thanks. Why not start with the biggie? Thank You for bringing the COVID-19 CORONAVIRUS to everyone’s attention. We would have never known about it if it were not for your diligence. You have sounded the alarm for the whole world to hear. But I have to ask, “Why didn’t you warn us about the other Influenza Viruses, like Swine Flu, H1N1 for example. More people have been infected by this virus and died from this virus than with the Coronavirus. But you didn’t bother even to notify anyone of this more potentially deadly virus. Hey! But to your credit you did warn us about Coronavirus.

And the way you have presented this news, is absolutely out of this world. You have painted a picture that Coronavirus is related to the swarming locusts, just waiting to fall out of the sky and kill us all. You rarely , if ever mention that this latest virus has a 97-98% survivability, which is right in line with Type A and Type B Influenza strains. But this fact never got in your way did it? THANK YOU for ignoring facts in order to get out the warning.

And because of YOU, NEWS MEDIA, there is more than Spring in the air. It’s full blown paranoia and pandemonium. The result of this paranoia and pandemonium is that many small busy owners, those Mom and Pop, the Family businesses are about to go under. More than income, many will lose their homes because they took out a second mortgage to build their dream. Thanks for crushing their dreams and ensuring that Mega-Businesses will step in and take their place. THANK YOU for pushing out small businesses. Leave business to the Big Guys.

I don’t know what you were thinking when you created this monster. I’m really trying to understand your perspective. If I could just see what’s going on inside your heads maybe I would understand it better. But there simply are some things I WILL NEVER DO; taking a walk inside your minds is one of those things. So, I say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR UNLEASHING PANIC, PANDEMONIUM AND THEIR SISTER, FEAR!

THE ENTREPRENEURS

All I can say to you Entrepreneurs is WOW! You had the vision and foresight to clear the shelves and place toilet paper and hand sanitizer on E-Bay and Amazon Marketplace. Not only that, but you had the courage to price those items 10, 20, even 30 times their manufacturers suggested retail prices. You, yes YOU ENTREPRENEURS, had for a while, the world at your feet. You took one of the things that made this nation great, ingenuity, and took it to a whole different level!

THANK YOU for making it difficult for people who really needed those items. You revealed your true character in the ways you took advantage of this current crisis. You made your prices so high, that the poor and working poor could not even afford those items. But you knew that there would be idiots and morons who would pay whatever price you posted. And your wealth would have increased even more had E-Bay and Amazon not pulled your ads. But I am sure you will find another way to dig deeper into the pockets of your neighbors and fellow Americans. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING THE POWER OF GREED AND BEING SO INCONSIDERATE OF YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.

THE COLLECTORS–KNOWN AS HOARDERS

I have saved my last THANK YOU for those who can always be counted on to increase daily sales revenues and sales tax collections for local and state governments whenever there is a crisis. Yes, you HOARDERS are providing an economic stimulus unparalleled by anything or anyone else. Big Corporations count on you to help provide those extra big bonuses at the end of the year for that inner circle that does little to produce anything for the whole year.

THANKS to you HOARDERS in this current crisis, people who can’t afford to rush out and buy their BASIC NECESSITIES of life, are reminded that the poor are nothing but a burden to society. You are sending them a clear message that their life doesn’t count for much, if anything. THANK YOU HOARDERS FOR SHOWING EVERYONE THAT LIFE ISN’T ABOUT OTHERS–IT’S ABOUT SELF! THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PETTY AND INCONSIDERATE OF OTHERS. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING US ALL TO DISREGARD ALL OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.

A final word to THE NEWS MEDIA, ENTREPRENEURS, AND HOARDERS:

Now, if you will excuse me, I’m trying to find out if the government still has any of those vacated ICBM silo bunkers for sale. Think I’ll isolate there until this stupidity goes away.

The Perspective Of Facts

In this time of fear, panic and exponential hoarding people need to be reminded of simple, basic facts about viruses. Perspective helps all of us process what is happening with clarity on any given day; especially in these days. You may say that it’s just not that simple. Oh, yes it is. It’s not easy–but it is just this simple.

1) This pandemic is not the first. For example, the Swine Flu pandemic in 2009. There were more cases and fatalities than in the current pandemic. Yet there were no closings or shortages of toilet paper or hand sanitizer, and life continued.

2) COVID-19 is serious, but not apocalyptic. Basic precautions are enough to keep the wolf at bay.

3) The elderly, young children and people with autoimmune diseases are always at high risk. Upper respiratory infections, Type A Influenza, Type B Influenza and other viral diseases are a serious threat for those in these groups. Every year people in these groups die from these types of diseases or complications from these diseases every year that are projected to die from COVID-19.

4) Do NOT self diagnosis yourself. Don’t assume it’s just a cold or allergies. Get a professional diagnosis before going out into the public.

5) Respect other people’s space. Simply put, STAY PUT UNTIL YOU ARE SYMPTOM FREE AT LEASE 48 HOURS, LONGER IF THE DOCTOR SAYS SO. Because so many do not have the common sense and common decency to stay at home when sick, government officials are having to step in and tell them what to do and not do. This is why “gathering” is being discouraged and “social distancing” is being encouraged. We should not have to depend on the government to regulate our conduct in this time, but because people really DON’T CARE ABOUT OTHERS, government is forced to act. A side note: IF YOU GO OUT IN PUBLIC WHEN YOU ARE SICK IT SHOWS YOU DON’T GIVE A RAT’S TAIL ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF. If you disagree with this statement–you’re still wrong.

6) Three Last Words: Hygiene, Hygiene, Hygiene! When I was in school, we had a class on Hygiene. It’s time to bring it back. Wash your hands with soap and water multiple times each day. Keep your whole body clean. Put tissues in the garbage can rather than leaving them laying on a desk or table. Use disinfectant cleaners in your homes or apartments. Keep your vehicles clear of trash and clutter. Cleanliness has been said to be next to godliness. Cleanliness also protects you and the people around you.

Burly Bikers Acting Like The Kingdom!–Saturday Story, 14 February 2020

Below is the link to a powerful story. Many have questioned me why I say that Bikers and the Biking Community look more like the Kingdom of God than many congregations. I personally know of 2 congregations that hid and protected a predator–and there are countless more stories out there like those. Well, here’s a group that seems to say, “Enough is enough!” Read and be challenged, Church, to act more like Bikers than Tenured Pew Sitters! This is truly a Kingdom Of God Story of love, grace, redemption and hope!

Just imagine being a child who someone abused. Now vision yourself going to court to face the very person who hurt you. As you can imagine, that would be incredibly difficult and frightening. But in life, that’s something that happens every day. Although these children are very brave, it never hurts to have a great support system.

(Click here for the rest of the story)

Here is the BACA WEBSITE and make sure you watch the video, and what one victim said if she was afraid of her abuser. I’ve submitted my own request to join this wonderful group. The time for talking is over–it’s time to take action! And that, my friends is the moral of This Kingdom Story–stand with the weak and the vulnerable!

GUIDE TO MANAGING AND MANEUVERING THROUGH COVID-10 CRISIS–ALL You Need To Know

I’ve made many satirical and snarky comments and analysis about the current News Media fed panic about COVID-19. Some of those comments were made in private conversations among friends and family, and a couple of snarky comments via social media (see the above graphic as an example). But today, though I usually reserve Friday’s for something funny, I want to be serious, transparent and truthful.

Here is your complete, yet simple GUIDE TO MANAGING AND MANEUVERING THROUGH COVID-19 CRISIS. For this to effectively work, you must first take a moment to breathe in deeply. Hold that breath and imagine it’s everything you’ve heard, been told, or assumed about COVID-19. Now exhale and as you do imagine that everything you’re heard, been told, or assumed is leaving your mind with that breath. Have you done that? If you are still have any of what you’ve heard, been told, or assumed still in your mind, repeat the process until you reach ultimate Zen. OK, let’s get going to the truth:

1. Understand the difference between a PANDEMIC and an EPIDEMIC

This is absolutely the first step, and the longest section of this blog. Without this knowledge you will dive deeper and deeper in fear and chaos. The word PANDEMIC is being tossed around like a football. I call your attention to that famous line from The Princess Bride:

According to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia a PANDEMIC “refers to an epidemic that has spread over several countries or continents, usually affecting a large number of people”. Do not panic at the word EPIDEMIC. By definition (of the CDC as well as epidemiologists) an EPIDEMIC “refers to a sudden increase in the number of cases of a disease above what is normally expected”. Stay calm because we need to understand these definitions and their appropriate applications.

Look at this part of the definition of EPIDEMIC: a sudden increase in the number of cases of a disease above what is normally expected. To help, I’ve emphasized those last 2 words. Here’s an example and application. The World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control normally expects 3 cases of Spotted Zebra Measles (not a real disease). In 2018 they had exactly 3 cases. Normal, right?

But in 2019 they find 6 cases of Spotted Zebra Measles. By definition, since the number of Spotted Zebra Cases have doubled, from 3 to 6, we have an EPIDEMIC. The 6 cases were not normally expected. Are you with me so far? Good. Now let’s imagine that 2 of those 6 cases were in 2 other countries. You now have a PANDEMIC. Remember that a PANDEMIC refers to an EPIDEMIC that has spread over several countries or continents, USUALLY affecting a large number of people. Two is not a large number–however it does fall outside the parameters of NORMALLY EXPECTED. And notice that word in the definition of PANDEMIC: USUALLY affecting a large number of people.

Not always affecting a large number of people; just usually. And what defines a large number of people? Now apply all this to COVID-19. Less than 1 out of 500,000+ people world-wide have had presumptive positive tests for COVID-19. Only 1 out of 500,000 isn’t a large number. BUT, because of the first case of COVID-19 exceeded normal expectations, you have an EPIDEMIC and because it’s been found in other countries you have a PANDEMIC.

Let’s put all this in PERSPECTIVE. Since 29 September 2019 there have been 207,466 confirmed cases of Type A and Type B Influenza in the United States. Can we agree is 207,466 is a large number? Presumptive Positive cases of COVID-19 are minuscule compared to 207,466. In the same period there have been an estimated 16,000 deaths from Types A and B Influenza in the United States, primarily among young children, elderly adults, and those with chronic health issues. Yet, there is NO Epidemic because these numbers have not exceeded what has been established as NORMAL.

I’m not insisting that you go forward with reckless abandon and ignore potential dangers. That would be like seeing decaying boards on a swinging bridge over a 5,000 foot deep crevice and saying, “Oh, those decaying board will hold me up!” But there are some simple guidelines you can follow.

2. Practice Good Hygiene

Regularly wash your hands using both soap and water. This ancient practice (FYI–it was given to the Hebrews as a law from God) is time tested and a proven method for remaining healthy. In addition to soap and water, you can use hand sanitizer during the day. HOWEVER avoid using any of the online HOMEMADE VARIETIES. Unless the alcohol contention is greater than 60% they are not effective. You cannot know this unless you have a degree in chemistry and a lab at home to test it. If your local store has sold out of hand sanitizer because of the rush of idiots, you can use undiluted Isopropyl rubbing alcohol or undiluted hydrogen peroxide. Both are proven to kill the COVID-19 Virus as well as both Type A and Type B strains of Influenza.

3. Keep Personal Spaces Clean

Put tissues in the garbage can and don’t leave them on a desk, table, vehicle, or chair. Wipe areas down regularly. Again, simple soap and water does the trick if packaged wipes are unavailable. Remember rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide.

3. Stay Home

If you have sniffles, cough, body aches or fever–don’t share your marvelous presence under any circumstances. I missed my last family Christmas with my Mother before she died because I had the flu. I also missed the first family Christmas after she died because of the flu. Don’t consider it just a simple cold or allergies. Go to a clinic or doctor for an accurate diagnosis. Don’t trust self-diagnosis. This applies to you, your spouse, your significant other, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins all the way to your 7th cousin twice removed, as well as the stranger within your gates. And please don’t expect your pastor to pay you a visit!

4. Don’t Visit Others Who Are Sick

This step is for you compassionate folks. Whether someone is isolated at home, or especially in a hospital don’t go visit them to show that you care. You can call them (letting them know why you are not there in person), send flowers or a fruit/snack basket. If they are at home and you want to bring them over a meal, call ahead and let them know what you are doing and when you get there, ring the doorbell or knock on the door and leave the food in a designated location. Add a nice handwritten note as well. Avoid nursing homes as much as possible to avoid spreading the Influenza or catching Influenza. As much as you may want to see a family member who is sick, show them how much you care by waiting until they are well.

5. Carefully Plan Your Shopping

This step really makes sense. The more often you are in a public setting the greater the probability you will come in contact with someone who has the Flu and has chosen to have no respect for human life and ignored Step 3. Don’t go to a store each time you need something. Change your menu, or adjust your plans as much as possible. Make a list and go once a week or every other week if possible. Some businesses will allow you to order online or with an app and you can simply drive up to the designated location, or walk to a specific location and everything is ready for you.

This is neither Rocket Surgery or Brain Science folks. Simple precautions and a hefty dose of common sense will begin to ease both the panic and stupidity that is currently in over-abundance. You are going to be perfectly alright….unless you see this in your neighborhood…

Friday Funny–13 March 2020

(This has been copied–origin unknown. You may have read it before; I have. But it’s still funny!)

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope for you…Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.” Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – AUSTIN ‘S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting drunk from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 – BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC CHILI
Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT …. just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER CHILI
Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. They can go jump off a bluff.

CHILI # 6 – VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY CHILI
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. Forget it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 – No Report

PCP–HEAVEN’S TO BETSY! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?–Tuesday Thoughts, 11 March 2020

When FEAR rules one part of your life, it will take over the rest of your life.

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Our world is having a serious issue right now with PCP. I’m not talking about phencyclidine, an illegal narcotic also known as Angel Dust. An interesting side-note about phencyclidine–it was introduced as an anesthesia in the 1950s. It took them until 1965 to ban it as anesthesia because of it’s side-effects of hallucinations. If you were given phencyclidine as anesthesia before 1966, you may be entitled to compensation; call 800-shy-ster for more information.

No, the PCP that is quickly becoming the worst PANDEMIC yet is PANIC, CHAOS and PANDEMONIUM. I am not about to make light of the serious nature of the COVID-19. Nor am I making light of those who have COVID-19 and am not diminishing the grief of those who have lost someone close to them because of COVID-19. My comments today are directed to those who are promoting and spreading PCP–PANIC, CHAOS, PANDEMONIUM, which is proving to be more dangerous and damaging than COVID-19. In reviewing this before I posted it, both forms of PCP, the chemical form and emotional form, create hallucinations–things that simply are not real.

The money markets, stock markets, and supermarkets are all in free-dive hysteria. Context and proportion is essential to navigating life when things get a bit dicey. Currently, if China is releasing correct data now, less that .000002 percent of the population has COVID-19. The percentage for the rest of the world is less than .0000002 percent. This morning there are 647 cases in the U.S. The percentage is less than .0000002 percent. The odds of contracting COVID-19 are about the same as winning the big lottery. It is more likely that you will be struck by lightning that to get the COVID-19 virus. You don’t see people clearing shelves of water, sanitizer, and toilet paper.

Yet people, and news organizations, are making it sound like the plague of the dark ages is upon us again. They make it sound like people are dropping dead everywhere because of COVID-19. The Markets are in free-dive hysteria not because of what COVID-19 is doing to the world–but what it, now get this, what it MIGHT DO. And now get this–There’s a shortage of toilet paper because of this report that somewhere someone allegedly found the COVID-19 virus growing in toilet paper. I noticed one church posted on face book all the things they were doing extra, and changing some things–because of Panic, Chaos and Pandemonium has taken over HOW people think.

Gee Whiz, people, get a grip. I remember other so-called pandemics that created PCP. Don’t you remember H1N1, West Nile Virus, Swine Flu, Avian Flu, Legionnaires disease and SARS?

Here’s the Main Point: DON’T LET FEAR RUN YOUR LIFE! I’ve heard people complain about FEAR, yet they run towards it faster than someone running to the toilet who has intestinal issues. When FEAR rules one part of your life, it will take over and ruin the rest of your life. And the way, THE ONLY WAY to keep the Wolf of Fear away from the door is to become a follower and disciple of Jesus. When you make the choice to follow Jesus the Holy Spirit comes to live inside your heart. And here is what the Holy Spirit living in you does IN AND FOR you.

For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7 (The Passion Translation)

The Greek word used for fear is deilía and it means “timidity, fearfulness, cowardice”. If you are a follower of Jesus and you are fearful, you have made the choice to believe fear over believing the Holy Spirit. Someone reading this just thought, “Wait a minute preacher! There’s a lot of stuff out there that’s frightening. COVID-19 being one of them.” OK, granted there’s frightening stuff out there–but your reactions to that stuff is YOUR CHOICE! You choose PANIC, CHAOS AND PANDEMONIUM. Remember this song:

Since FEAR is a liar, what should you do? What can you do? Apply common sense:

  1. Listen to and believe what the Holy Spirit tells you. He never lies and He’s told you that you don’t have The Spirit of timidity, fearfulness, or cowardice Simple enough. But if that’s not enough common sense for you, wait there’s more.
  2. Wash your hands, using soap and water. It’s like a post I’ve seen a lot on Facebook: It’s 2020 and we are supposed to have flying cars but instead we’ve having to teach folks to wash their hands.
  3. Use hand-sanitizer, and if the store shelves are empty, rubbing alcohol does the same, and it’s a lot cheaper.
  4. If you have the sniffles, a cough, fever or body aches–STAY AT HOME. This applies to your spouse, children, grandchildren, cousins, aunts and uncles. And though your preacher loves to see you in church, she or he would rather you stay home until you are symptom free.
  5. Go see your doctor at the first signs of any flu-like symptoms. Essential oils won’t help. Medicine will.

If you think yourself a follower of Jesus, having the Holy Spirit living inside your heart–AND insist that sterile face masks be issued with the bulletins by the greeters, if you insist that the church janitor sign a notarized document that the restrooms are so clean that a surgeon could operate in there, if you are afraid to take Holy Communion and that the servers wear sterile gloves, masks and gowns, putting the garb on in front of God and everybody else (same attire for those who take up the offering), then you have either forgotten what the Holy Spirit is giving us–or you never were a real follower of Jesus. And that’s the way I see it!